Feel good self-care: masturbation

Check-in: "Do you enjoy sexy time?"

Having a lack of desire, fear, or shame in expressing your desires creates anxiety, repression, and depression. Growing up I received mixed messages about sexual health. I learned early about my body and had an appreciation for it, but still, there was this shame, this fear of exploring and empowering my comfort and desires. I knew well how to please my man, and even what I liked but wasn’t able to openly express and experience it freely. Over and over I find my sex drive on a tangent whether it’s from increased stress, my husband’s stress, now having a son who is always around, hormones imbalanced so I’m either not exactly in the mood, or worse; I shame myself for even having sexual desires because of the current circumstances.

After having my son, I’ve gone through tremendous body changes, hormonal imbalances, and other experiences that have all impacted my self-esteem. I used to be energized and ready to go jump on it in a heartbeat, without shame. I took time to pleasure myself at least 3-4 times per week. What happened to that sex drive? Well, sometimes I’m sluggish and even dread the thought of sex. The thoughts vary from the shame of myself to the shame of the situation but I feel like I’ve lost the groove. Other times, I’m ready to get it on, and then my vagina is like “no mama, I’m not in the mood to lube for ya right now.” My hubby might be dealing with his own issues and also not performing up to par. The reality is, none of this is my fault. We can be thrown off balance thanks to life, but it is important to get back in tune with ourselves. Figure out where the disconnect may be and correct it before it gets out of control, or worse allow yourself to give up entirely on your sexual health, curiosity, and desires.

 

Orgasm, when accessible, is one of the best healing tools a woman, any age, at any stage of her life, can use to boost her vitality and health.

"Hypoactive sexual desire disorder"-can include a lack of sexual desire that causes distress, disinterest, or an inability to achieve orgasm."

Some Tips to LIV

 Have you explored your body recently? 

• Simply taking time to be alone in front of a mirror naked can ignite those feelings. Allow it to come out.

  I cried looking at my new post-partum body bare naked. It forced me to fall in love again with the joy and blessing of becoming a mom and realizing I am human, I am alive, and I love myself. I am beautiful. I have to do this over and over, but it has definitely gotten easier with time. 

• You can choose to wear some sexy lingerie, but less is more, let the flaws and all shine before you. Go bare-naked. Touch on and love your body, feel your skin's temperature and texture, and acknowledge every feeling that comes up. Only keep the positive thoughts and push away any negative self-talk... its poison. This is a time for self-love and sexy vibes only. 
• Playtime! Pull out the toys... I only have one ROSE haha. Allow for some self-pleasuring masturbation. 
• Research suggests masturbation for women is enticing, critical for overall health and wellness, and improves mental health, self-confidence, and gut health. Partners are welcomed, but again this is a time for self-love, so go at it alone sometimes and enjoy the moment.
•  Be patient with your pleasures and desires, they deserve attention.
•  Be transparent with your partner, when you are together, as you should enjoy being pleasured as well! 
• Optimize your libido by limiting your exposure to synthetic hormones (birth control pills), phytoestrogens, and chemicals that mimic estrogens which can decrease your ovarian function and testosterone production. 
• Stay Hydrated with quality, clean, mineralized water, and limit alcohol, sugary, syrupy beverages. Eat a whole, healthy diet of mostly veggies, which supports your energy, balances weight, hormones, and mental health 
• Feed your microbiome the probiotics and prebiotics needed to keep things in check down there. The vagina has its own unique microbiome just like your gut. These organisms can become imbalanced in times of increased stress, eating poorly, having sex with a new partner, and taking certain medications, especially antibiotics and antivirals. The imbalance will impair their functioning and they are responsible for your lubrication, which affects how smoothly intercourse goes, their sensitivity, and how good things feel or not.

Get in Touch with me today to learn more about testing your vaginal microbiome health, Especially if you are experiencing discomfort, or any symptoms, odors, lack of arousal, or you are prone yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.

As women, we have to know our bodies, be comfortable within our bodies before trusting anyone else to do this for us. We are not exactly encouraged to learn about our sexual selves, or even praise our sexual desires. I am encouraging everyone to take time to learn your desires, get uncomfortable then comfortable with them and embrace this part of your existence. Make it a priority to carve out time with your self care and sexy time. 

Leave a comment below and share your tips for sexy time!

Here's to your health and wellness!